


Manual Access

by dorkilysoulless (custodian)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Actual Cures For Hiccups, Anal Fingering, Dammit Lizbob, First Time, Hand Jobs, Least Romantic Destiel Origin?, Love Means Sticking Your Fingers In Somebody's Butt For Science, M/M, Masturbation, Or MOST Romantic?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-13
Updated: 2016-04-13
Packaged: 2018-06-02 02:18:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6546493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/custodian/pseuds/dorkilysoulless
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean has a case of hiccups that just won't quit.  Sam's suggestions aren't cutting it.  Cas has an idea.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Manual Access

**Author's Note:**

> The blame for this rests, in order, with: 
> 
> \- This Cracked post: http://cracked.tumblr.com/post/141909605826/there-are-about-a-thousand-home-remedies-for  
> \- Lizbob.  
> \- Sleep depriviation. 
> 
> You're welcome.

"So get this: the longest case of hiccups ever recorded? Sixty-eight years."

"Screw that," Dean says as he slumps deeper into his chair. "Just" _-hic-_ "freakin' kill me."

He's a warrior. A veteran hunter. When things go bump in the night, it's because they're trying to get out of his way.

This hiccups thing is bullshit.

"I could try the air horn again," Sam says from his spot behind the screen of his laptop. "I mean, it didn't work the last four times--"

"Because you told" _-hic-_ "me you were gonna get the" _-hic-_ "air horn."

"So hold your breath. Or drink another glass of water."

Dean scowls at the glass on the table in front of him. "If I drink any more" _-hic-_ "water I'm gonna" _-hic-_ "piss" _-hic-_ "for a week."

"Taser?"

"Hell" _-hic-_ "no."

"Well, that's pretty much our options," Sam says with a shrug. "Keep trying or deal."

Dean sulks. He'd probably be more intimidating if his brooding silence wasn't punctuated every few seconds by a spasm and a tiny _-hic-_ noise.

"I have an idea," Castiel says. "But you won't like it."

"Better or" _-hic-_ "worse than plan" _-hic-_ "taser?"

"There's significantly less electricity involved."

"Sold."

Which is how Dean ends up on his bed on all fours, naked from the waist down, pretending Castiel isn't gloving up to give him a Jim Henson.

"We gonna get" _-hic-_ "this over with or" _-hic-_ "what?"

"I assumed you'd prefer it if my fingers were warm."

"I'd pref" _-hic-_ "I'd prefer to be wearing pants."

"Fair enough," Castiel says.

Dean gasps when Castiel slicks him up with dollop of cold lube. It's nothing, though, compared to the sensation when Castiel pushes his first knuckle inside.

"This will be easier if you relax."

"It'd be easier to relax if you weren't sticking your _-hic-_  finger up my ass," he retorts, but tries to loosen up.  Closed eyes, deep breaths and all that.   It helps that Castiel moves slow, gently stroking Dean's back as he eases in little by little.  It takes a little while.  Patience of a saint.  Well, angel.  

And then, just like that, something back there relaxes.  Dean sucks in a breath as Castiel starts to work his finger deeper, sliding it in and out, opening him up.  He's not entirely aware that he's moving his hips along with the motion until Castiel adds a second finger.

"Holy shit," he sighs. It doesn't hurt, but it's intense. Powerful. He buries his face in his pillows to mute the sounds he's definitely making in his throat, and to hide his face so he doesn't have to think about just how hard his dick is right now.

"Do you want me to touch you?"

Dean laughs -- actually laughs -- into the pillows. He wants to say something like " _You have at least two fingers up my ass, it's not like we're gonna get any more intimate,_ " but there's a difference between "I'm gonna stick a finger up your ass for science" and "Here, let me get you off" and Dean's got to respect that Castiel has the decency to ask, even if he's enough of a coward that all he can do is nod emphatically until he feels a firm hand on his cock.

And man, that does it. It fucking breaks him. Castiel only has to stroke him for a minute tops before Dean comes harder than he has in months. Maybe it's the fingers in his ass. Maybe it's the fact that it's someone else's hand instead of his own. Maybe it's the fact that his best friend just finger-banged him for the dumbest reason in history and it was fucking amazing. All he knows is that in the afterglow he makes damn sure to pull Castiel down by the lapels and kiss him until Castiel takes off his lube-sodden glove and kisses back.  They end up in a cozy tangle on the bed while Castiel jerks himself off.

"So," Dean says as he peels his sweaty t-shirt off and drops it off the edge of the bed. "That was, uh..."

"Good," Castiel supplies.

"Yeah."

Dean pushes Castiel's pants the rest of the way down his legs and pokes at them with his toes until Castiel gets the hint and kicks them to the floor.

"Your hiccups are gone."

"Yeah."  Dean undoes Castiel's tie.  "But, you know, maybe we should stay in here for a little bit.  Just in case they come back."

**Author's Note:**

> Sam's thing about the longest recorded case of hiccups is true, by the way: http://www.todayifoundout.com/index.php/2011/07/charles-osborne-had-the-hiccups-for-68-years-from-1922-to-1990/


End file.
